Five Panel "Off label" hat

$29.99 USD
I take meds for conditions I don’t technically have, because apparently treating my actual symptoms would require emotional honesty and a will to live. So instead, I’m numbed, twitchy, and slightly more tolerable at parties.

• 100% cotton — because synthetic fibers make you sweat like your last therapy session.
• Soft-structured — just like your emotional boundaries.
• Five panel — five times the regret you’ll feel after buying it (but in a cute way).
• Low profile — unlike your mental breakdowns.
• Metal eyelets — for ventilation, not spying on your ex.
• Nylon strap clip closure — holds together better than your last relationship.

Made with care

Heirloom quality

Premium materials

Classic styling

Product mockup

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